It’s weeks like this that make me want to throw out the whole idea of identity. Who cares about sexual orientation or gender or ethnicity or all of those other tags we put on ourselves and other people. When it comes down to it, love in its purest form it about one person loving another person. All the other things are accessories or labels we use to make ourselves easier to categorise, but they can get completely in the way!
I’ve been with my girlie for a few years now. We’ve had loads of ups and tons of downs. Right now just one of the issues bubbling in the background has to do with identity. We haven’t pushed it out into the open – it’s just on the peripheries itching at my feet.
After much internal tussling I have come to accept and be happy with identifying either as bi-sexual or gay. I’m not a big fan of labels, it’s just sometimes it can make life easier to stick on a label and join the club. My girlfriend has found it tough right from the beginning to even accept she is anything other than straight. Sometimes I find it hilarious. Other times it drives me nuts.
As our lives become more open and honest we’re starting to socialise with more lesbian couples. It’s deliberate on my part as I feel more normal being around other lovers of ladies. However it seems to make her uncomfortable. One minute she’s fine and the next she is shirking away from overly gay social occasions. She hates it when I out myself to friends. I try talking around the situations, how she feels, trying to get her to open up. As yet I’ve had limited success – it’s like a brick wall goes up in her mind when I knock on the door and ask her to let some lesbian identity in.
When it’s just the two of us together we only see ourselves through our own eyes – naked of tags. As soon as we step into the public arena it can feel like other eyes are mentally moving us into one box, compartmentalising our identities. It happens to everyone, all the time. And there is no way of stopping that happening. But there is a way to stop yourself caring.
There, I’ve had my rant 🙂 Oh I do feel better.
Any thoughts about sexual identity etc gratefully received…